Big Girl Panties

Finally, home

I am frustrated.

Yes, yes I am. I am being constantly treated like a witless puppy and that is the cause of one of my many frustrations. Well, frankly I feel like a puppy most of the time, because ever since I moved to Canarias I became extremely sensitive and get my eyes wet at least several times a day. It is not only embarrassing, it's pretty inconvenient, too. Try applying a mascara like that.

Sometimes I wonder what makes us treat people so differently. We're all people, and yet some of us are ranked higher in social circles than others. I also wonder where do I rank, and where I stand on the social ladder. Come to think of that, I probably have no place there altogether. I must be one of those hippies who are stuck somewhere on the railing, trying to ride the ladder instead of walking it.

Maybe it's because I don't really have a place in this society, or maybe it just takes one look at me to realize that I live in some weird introvertial world cut off from all the rest for people to quit trying to make a conversation and call it a night early with me. I'm not sure, but either way, people must view me as someone not extremely useful, nor extremely interesting. Most of the time we just don't have common topics to discuss, so I'm not too eager in trying to support the existing ones.

So maybe it's my own fault that people treat me like I'm only half there. I've got to take some responsibility for that. But it doesn't make it easier though. They say if you created the problem it's in your power to make it go away. I wish I knew how. I also often wish I was different. More sociable and light, more interested in the outside world. Unfortunately, I'm not, and I might never change that part of who I am. It's frustrating and unhelpful to my current situation.

So I guess all I wanted to say is that I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated and at least 50% responsible for that. What can I say? Tough crap.